Tuesday, April 10, 2012

When unemployed obese assholes write lists....

This is what you get.


Let’s take a look at it.
Quoted in Italics:

Time for the Grey Knights.

A little different from other armies, GK’s present a conundrum–the point of Fang and Steel is to leave behind no support elements…but GK’s have excellent support units (their Dreads).

Just the way it is. So you’ll have to carry your fire support elements forward instead. They also don’t have Predators, so we need to substitute Chimeras in that role.

Really? You're going to substitute predators for chimeras? You won't take psyflemen dread because you think they can't move forward? This is whay an article sounds like if the author actually has no idea what he's talking about.


Since we’re building a GK force, we want to be able to clear enemy chaff out of the way with flamers so our jump troops can hit where they need to. As GK jump troops are only good due to Halberds plus Storm Bolters…and are inferior in every other way, we’ll do good to remember they, like Seraphim, are a shooty unit that gets clear shots then delivers a CC strike. They are NOT a CC unit first!

Hmmmm..... GK jump troops are inferior in close combat apparently. Power weapons, I6, and hammerhands must suck these days!

2000 Pts – Grey Knights Roster

1 Ordo Malleus Inquisitor, 43 pts (Servo-skulls x1; Bolt Pistol; Incinerator x1)

1 Ordo Malleus Inquisitor, 43 pts (Servo-skulls x1; Bolt Pistol; Incinerator x1)

All the HQ in this book and this is the best you can come up with? Don't think Coteaz is worth it for the extra 17 points? getting those henchmen as troops and getting to re-roll the seize roll?

1 Inquisitorial Henchmen Warband, 155 pts
1 Warrior Acolyte (Chainsword; Laspistol)
5 Warrior Acolyte (Chainsword; Bolter x1)
3 Warrior Acolyte (Meltagun x1; Storm Bolter x1)
2 Warrior Acolyte (Laspistol; Storm Bolter x1)
1 Inquisitorial Chimera (Dozer Blade; Searchlight; Multilaser; Heavy Flamer)


1 Inquisitorial Henchmen Warband, 155 pts
1 Warrior Acolyte (Chainsword; Laspistol)
3 Warrior Acolyte (Meltagun x1; Storm Bolter x1)
2 Warrior Acolyte (Laspistol; Storm Bolter x1)
5 Warrior Acolyte (Chainsword; Bolter x1)
1 Inquisitorial Chimera (Dozer Blade; Searchlight; Multilaser; Heavy Flamer)


These units are jokes. Super expensive shitty Imperial Guard units with BS3. Sweet. You get 3 BS3 meltaguns in a chimera and think it's on par with a predator. That's cute. One of the worst units in this list.

This unit would have been cheaper and more effective to take:

5 acolytes with meltaguns, chimera

What's the point of adding bodies when your unit isn't even scoring?

1 Grey Knight Strike Squad, 166 pts
1 Justicar
3 Grey Knights
1 Grey Knight (Psycannon)
1 Razorback (Dozer Blade; Psybolt Ammunition; Searchlight)


1 Grey Knight Strike Squad, 166 pts
1 Justicar
3 Grey Knights
1 Grey Knight (Psycannon)
1 Razorback (Dozer Blade; Psybolt Ammunition; Searchlight)


1 Grey Knight Strike Squad, 166 pts
1 Justicar
3 Grey Knights
1 Grey Knight (Psycannon)
1 Razorback (Dozer Blade; Psybolt Ammunition; Searchlight)


1 Grey Knight Strike Squad, 166 pts
1 Justicar
3 Grey Knights
1 Grey Knight (Psycannon)
1 Razorback (Dozer Blade; Psybolt Ammunition; Searchlight)


1 Grey Knight Strike Squad, 166 pts
1 Justicar
3 Grey Knights
1 Grey Knight (Psycannon)
1 Razorback (Dozer Blade; Psybolt Ammunition; Searchlight)


1 Grey Knight Strike Squad, 166 pts
1 Justicar
3 Grey Knights
1 Grey Knight (Psycannon)
1 Razorback (Dozer Blade; Psybolt Ammunition; Searchlight


Heavy bolter razorbacks are terrible. Even at S6. Nobody cares about them. They can only glance a chimera and irritate marines. Blood Angels laugh at them and Paladins don't give a fuck. If you're going to spam razorbacks, why don't you equip them so people will notice?

1 Grey Knight Interceptor Squad, 304 pts
1 Justicar (Master-craft Nemesis Weapon(s); MC Nemesis Daemonhammer)
5 Grey Knights (Nemesis Force Halberd)
2 Grey Knights (Nemesis Daemonhammer)
1 Grey Knight (Psycannon)


1 Grey Knight Interceptor Squad, 304 pts
1 Justicar (Master-craft Nemesis Weapon(s); MC Nemesis Daemonhammer)
5 Grey Knights (Nemesis Force Halberd)
1 Grey Knight (Psycannon)
2 Grey Knights (Nemesis Daemonhammer)


More useless garbage. 8 man squads so you can't combat squad. Master crafting to waste points too. What are these here for? Nobody cares about this unit at all. Maybe Stelek will explain...

Notes: The GK jump squads are intentionally sized the way they are so you cannot combat squad them. Assault troops with LD8 are just no good! If you know you are going to lose a battle with them but feel you have to, then pin the tail on the donkey and get the inquisitor to join them. His job, however, is not to provide rad grenades (you lazy fucks) but to give you another mobile heavy flamer that can go elsewhere and beat up a squad that’s bunched up. If you don’t like your meltagun acolytes carrying storm bolters, just change it. ;)

Assault troops with ld8 are no good, but melta squads with ld8 are.... hmmm....  On a side note, this paragraph is only borderline coherent,

What this army is doing is putting fire support elements into midfield, then using jump troops to keep people away. They might not be great CC units, but if you don’t have Terminators…they will smash your face 90% of the time.

I can't think of an army that 16 jump troops can keep away. You know the best part about this army? Tau would wreck it. How sad is that? There isn't a single S8 shot over '12 and the one's that are are bs3 meltaguns.

Most of these 'tactics' sound like a load of bullshit that a GW red shirt trying to sell a shitty army to a noob would say. I'd say Stelek should don a red shirt, but I doubt he wants to jeopardize his unemployment, and there is no way the shirt would fit.

3 comments:

  1. Yeah, I think we know why he's unemployed.

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  2. I lol'd at this. I should ask this guy for marriage advice as well. Clearly a walking tome of knowledge.

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  3. He sure is a real genius. Who forgets to move their units onto the objectives on turn 5? Probably lots of people, I'm sure i've done it before. However I do not claim to be a 40k god and crow about it all over the internet.

    The funny thing about his classic blunder at Nova is Blackmoor probably wouldn't have ended up playing tony in the finals at Nova and a lot fewer people would have started Paladin armies. Stelek found a way to screw the pooch and bring misery and suffering to the masses.

    ReplyDelete